Our Totalitarian Education System

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. Replace the proletariat with mindlessly subordinate children, replace Room 101 with an ordinary classroom featuring routine torture branded as “education”, replace telescreens with the watchful eyes of cutthroat administrators, and the dystopian regime of 1984 is recreated every day in the ordinary school.

Illusions of free expression do not exist in this school. Whether it’s dress codes so restrictive the only allowable article of clothing seems to be a (below the knee) paper bag, or worse, the horrible uniform plaid skirts that only exist to assist the superior arrogance of children born with silver spoons in their mouths, there is no room for individuality. The Thought Police that rules this autocratic educational facility prioritizes conformity over expression, aligning with the same malignant brand of far-left socialist ideologies that suppress free thinking.

Draconian punishments are doled out like candy by the (unelected) officials. Some semblance of justice is served as a means to enforce the questionable code of law designed by the school board. A code of conduct that aims to scare away any potentially insubordinate youth with threats of suspension. A code of conduct emphasizing the importance of obedience and perfection, the true values of this school. Authority figures are feared by all as their polished black shoes waltz down the hallway floors, their beady eyes staring into the souls of the children whom they pass; the blazer-less child shrinks into the walls to avoid the penetrating glare of the teachers, and the beckoning into the dreaded principal’s office. The teachers’ senses are remarkably well-attuned to spot the untucked shirt, the too-small sweater vest, the crooked tie. These tyrannical bureaucrats pocket money paid by the well-intentioned parents of the youngsters and rely upon coercive fundraisers to finance extravagant light fixtures and an excessive amount of interior designers to plan out the frivolously exorbitant staff room.

The media voices no objection to oppressive policy decisions. Indeed, the only media that exists has no veil of independence from the authoritative governing forces — school newsletters highlight the amazing success of the school’s sixth-grade volleyball team, while glossing over the hordes of disempowered students, underpaid staff, and corruptible executives.

Looking for an oppressed group to rally behind? No need to turn to the dismal streets of Venezuela or the cries of protesters in Zimbabwe: rather, turn your attention to the exploitation of your children, right here in our authoritarian educational system.

Note: This article is satirical — I think our education system, while imperfect in places, certainly isn’t torturous.


April 1, 2019

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